Last night I was desperately digging through my pantry for chocolate chips. I would have even settled for Junior Mints (not much chocolate, but minty and very refreshing!)
I like to keep an emergency stash of chocolate for Arsenic Day. I call the day I start my period “Arsenic Day” because I want to either take some or give some.
Although this theory remains untested, I think Arsenic Day would be a valid legal defense. “Your honor, my client was on the first day of her period when she ate the entire contents of that Godiva store.” “Not guilty!”
But yesterday was a first in our household. My daughter needed chocolate for her own Arsenic Day just the day before, and I nobly sacrificed the last of my Dove Promises that I keep hidden in a basket of ironing. Like I iron.
Yes, our cycles now overlap. Please pray for my husband. Light a candle, sacrifice a goat. Whatever it is you do, the poor man needs it.
So, last night my choices were licking the lid of the cocoa powder (unsatisfying), putting my bra back on so I could go buy more chocolate (unacceptable), or savoring the last two chocolate chips I found in an almost-empty bag.
The lesson here is to think ahead and plan ahead. Timing is everything. This applies to talking with your daughter about what it will be like when she Becomes A Woman.
I asked my daughter when she though moms should start talking to their girls about their period. She said “double digits”. I told her that would be too late for some girls, who could start as early as eight or nine.
She agreed (make a note of that, please) and remembered that she and I started talking about menstruation much earlier. For my daughters, I started talking talking about periods casually and generally when they became school age. As they got older, I became more specific, as needed.
And really, I’d been frank about it their whole lives. My mom was so cool about always answering my questions. Even though her accurate drawings on a legal pad made me feel funny, I always felt like I had good information, and early enough that it was useful.
When I was thirteen, my period started while I was at a slumber party. I told my friend and her mom helped me out. Unfortunately, the only thing her mom had on hand were those giant tampons with the cardboard applicator. It was like a huge cottony harpoon. A tampoon.
Because of my mom’s good training, I was able to appropriately use that tampoon, despite it really not being the best sized product for me.
One of my friends on the other side of the bathroom door was worried I wouldn’t be a virgin anymore. Thank goodness my mom had given me enough correct information to where I didn’t spend one second worrying about menstrual products and my chastity.
While my mom only had a legal pad, I had books to help me talk to my daughters when they were in elementary school. Now there are great, reliable resources on the Internet. If you have a daughter over six,–yes, over six–I really encourage you to start talking to her about what’s in store for her body.
Check out the Kotex site just for tweens to help support her (and you!) with information that really can ease her transition into the next phase.
It is going to happen. Help her out so when she starts her period at a slumber party she knows enough to take care of herself and not believe misinformation.
Also, stock up on what she’ll need. U by Kotex is line for tweens sized right for their bodies. No tampoons.
My girl likes them because the packaging is pretty and sparkly, though she would deny liking the sparkly part.
And remember to double up on that chocolate stash. Poor planning could result in you standing in the kitchen late at night wondering if you can go through the McDonald’s drive-thru for a hot fudge sundae without pants on.
“I wrote this review while participating in a Brand Ambassador Campaign by Mom Central Consulting on behalf of U by Kotex Tween and received products to facilitate my post and a promotional item to thank me for taking the time to participate.”
Also, my daughter has agreed to help me out on this series. Everything I write is with her permission and she has the last word over how much I write about her life.

Hilarious and educational. Since you are an expert on menstrual cycles, do you know anything about peri-menopause? At age 53 1/2 I am still going strong, which apparently means I have some kick-ass estrogen coursing through my veins. Sigh. And chocolate is definitely the 5th food group in our house. I stalk up on dark chocolate at the IKEA – the best for the price!
All kidding aside – I will check out the website as I hope to glean some info with regards to monthly cycles and explaining some details with a special needs child.
I’m not in peri-menopause, as far as I know. Almost 54 and going strong–wow!
When you get a chance to look at the Kotex site for tweens, let me know if you think it’s good for special needs girls. I’ll pass any feedback you have to the program.
Great post, Anne! So funny, and great advice!
Thanks! And now I can read your blog again. I had to avoid until I was done.
Tampoon… *giggle*
I know I started talking to Sophie about it in single-digits. She started at exactly 10.5yo.
She likes the Kotex ‘U’ products best but they’re so much more expensive than other products unfortunatley. But, being the nice mommy that I am I decided to go ahead and buy them for her since she was so young when she started. I’ll probably make her use the cheaper stuff at around age 14y or so… (she’s 12yo now, April bday)
“SewWhat?”
Really when you think about.. Chocolate delivery… think about.. there is a fortune to be made!! time a quick email ad at the right time of the month.. discrete delivery in a brown paper bag.. no questions.. brilliant!
Someone’s going to be a millionaire. That is a genius idea.
I don’t know anyone else who is so great at being both RIGHT and FUNNY at once.
I keep telling my kids this, but they just roll their eyes.
You are hysterical! I am laughing out loud in my office! Seriously, glad to read this – my son is 9 years old and going into 4th grade. Although he won’t have a period, I certainly want him aware and educated about what may be happening to his peers. I can remember being picked on by boys, and I don’t want him ever doing that! Have fun at BlogHer. Soo bummed I’m not there! #cheers
You were missed at BlogHer. I had fun, even though it was Very Crowded.
Your son’s future wife will thank you for teaching him about periods. I do hear some woman don’t have to suppress the urge to kill every month, but this may an urban myth.
As you may have guessed, I related to this post 🙂 Thanks for the love, Anne.
At least the sleep-over I was at was not at the Spelling mansion.
Omg, thank goodness you were prepared. I couldn’t imagine getting my first period at a slumber party!
Maybe your new rule should be, whenever you buy tampons you buy chocolate! 🙂
Thanks such a good idea, Ronnie. They should be sold on the same shelf, even! Right next to heating pads and dvd’s of The Notebook.
Hilarious. It wouldn’t be so funny if it weren’t true. I remember the first tampoony I had to insert all by myself. I was scared. And afraid that my future husband wouldn’t want me after using it.
The chocolate thing is soooo important. I remember Rachel and I just having to give her daddy “the look” and he’s back slowly out the door and run off to bring us home chocolate. Chocolate saved that man’s life time and time again. On a monthly basis.
I’m glad to see online resources like Kotex springing up to help moms get through this sometimes challenging time in our daughter’s lives. Thanks for letting us know about this great campaign.
You had be rolling in this post. And I think Maddie is right…chocolate delivery once every 28 days is a genuis idea. Genius!
I may have snagged a bag of chocolate from the party Friday night and stashed it for next month…