Twenty years ago I saw my first homeschool moms in the wild There was a convention on my college campus and I saw herds processing into the campus convention center. I was young and knew everything, and was still making up my mind about the type of woman I was going to be.
I wasn’t sure of much, but I was certain I wasn’t going to be one of those people. My deeply shallow position was based on the fact that all the moms were wearing denim jumpers or floral rompers.
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| Look, it’s wrinkle *and* stain resistant! |
Remember rompers for women? They were like those flowered dresses Elaine wore on Seinfeld, but with puffy legs that narrowed at the ankle. Harem pants meets overalls–gah!
So, God laughed, and I was schooling my kids at home within a decade. I’d come home from a job where I’d had to wear suits, heels and hose. I had a love/hate thing going with the hose, but I did like how I looked and how people treated me. You just don’t get respect like that in yoga pants.
At first when I was home, I reveled in my comfort-waist pants. The freedom! Over time, I spent less time on my appearance. Only me to blame for that. I had a lot of little kids. I was tired. Money was tight. Still, I “Let Myself Go”.
Eventually my husband remarked that I was wearing sweatpants a lot. And his t-shirts. He’s lucky I wasn’t wearing his underwear.
Shut up. Don’t judge me. I was out of clean laundry.
The man is a saint, so for him to mention something to me is a big deal and I try to listen.
I suppose in the back of my mind I felt like to be the best mom I could be I had to sublimate Nota into pure Mom. All Mom-ness all the time. I had an idea in my head about what Mom does and it didn’t include a trip to the salon to spend time and money on herself. It didn’t even include showering as a priority.
Now I see what a big dummy I was. I can’t be Good Mom by ignoring Nota. Someday, and soon, the kids will be grown and gone and then who’s left? Just me and my husband. Because he’s stuck with me. And I refuse to wear giant Granny panties to be more righteous. I’ve tried it and it doesn’t work.
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| As seen from space. |
I’ve learned it’s okay to get my hair done, to dress nicely and even to make time to have girlfriends. I find having girlfriends as an adult to be deeply satisfying in a way it couldn’t be when I was young. I think the difference is…me.
Now, jumpers are fine and there’s nothing wrong with being comfortable. And I think the pendulum has even swung in the other direction for homeschooling moms. There seems to be an expectation of having it all–running an organized home, educating the kids and maintaining an active ministry–all while looking like a movie star.
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| Later she’ll host the Women’s Tea and de-worm some orphans. |
If you can manage this, I salute you and your chicken-cooking purse! Women should support each other in excellence and not be like crabs in a bucket. You know how if crabs are in a bucket together they will pull down the one trying to escape? And then what happens to them all?
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| Teamwork failure. |
Excellence is going to look different for each of us. If you cover your hair and wear skirts, rock that look, girl.
Michelle Dugger’s style is not for me, but neither is Gwyneth Paltrow’s. Although I wouldn’t mind that purse. I love roast chicken.
So, have you come back from Letting Yourself Go? How did you recover? Share your wisdom with me, please.
I'm still working on it! Thanks for the encouragement to keep on trying.
A couple of years ago I was chatting on the phone with a good friend. We were both moms of 2 and had shared both of our pregnancies together. We were chatting about how some of our other mommy friends had really let themselves go and we were glad we hadn't hit that point. When I hung up, my husband just raised his brows and repeated: "You haven't let yourself go?" And I looked down at my outfit to dispute him when it hit me. I might not look like the moms we were talking about, but I also looked nothing like the "me" he had married. It was an eye opener for me.
I only hit it about half the days each week, but I'm working on it. Some days it's an hour before hubby gets home, but I am trying to get dressed first thing in the morning. Not necessarily "to the nines", but nicely. On the days when I miss, I'm still in jeans and a tee shirt instead of PJ bottoms and I try to at least have a little blush and lip gloss on.
My secret? If dinner is cooking and it smells good, hubby thinks I look beautiful. Weird? Maybe. But true!
My secret? I started getting up, getting dressed and putting on a day face. MAKE UP, ladies. With clothing that is actually *outfits*….
Now a little secret I have is that nearly all my clothing is cast offs and thrift store finds. But I pick out stuff that enhances my style.
And really, put $360 or more in the budget to do your hair the way you really want it. Stop being chicken. $30 a month is the cheapest therapy you'll ever find.
Another great post Nota.
I can't really say that I've spent any length of time letting myself go in the past. All of my gunk has been happening over this past year. I'm sure much of it has to do with approaching menopause and the hormonal baggage that hangs on me as a result (and I DO mean HANG).
I'm trying to stay out of chairs more and do more walking and park further from the store entrances. Little things – but SOMETHING is better than nothing.
Wendy, you've come a long way. I think you are marvelous in every way.
Lisa Grace, I know my husband is a lot happier to come home to a smiling wife and the smell of something cooking. He's happy if I'm happy (and cooking).
Amy, you've really turned it around. Do you think LYG has a lot to do with being overwhelmed by little kids? It cerainly took me a while to find a balance.
Robin, my mother always said it gets harder to maintain after forty. Sigh.
Dh and I have started taking walks together at night. We joke about how we would have made fun of us fifteen years ago. I think it's sweet to abandon the kids and go for a walk alone holding hands.
Well, once upon a time, I decided that to be a godly homeschool mom … I should be dresses only. So I did. For awhile. Then it was dresses mostly. Then I moved and was COLD a lot, so pants found there way into my drawer more and more often, and onto my body more often.
But then I started to get comments from my younger sisters that I was dressing too baggy and sloppy. SO I looked in the mirror. And I looked around at other women in my church. I looked in the mirror again and realized that many of my shirts (which were nice and loose so I could easily nurse in them) were big baggy sacks on me.
So I started replacing the baggy shirts with newer shirts. I started trying to find some jeans that were a little more modern while still keeping my bum covered when I bent down. *wink* I cut some of the inches off my long thin hair.
It was hard to let the skirts go, though. But the last time I did a clothing switch, I looked at a few of them and thought … "I wore that every week?" It's time to let them go.
I never did live in sweat pants, but I did wear big baggy clothes that weren't exactly in style.
Thanks, April. I think we are worth investing a little time, a little care. We don't have to be flashy or spend a lot of money, but we should do enough to reflect our value.
I feel like a hypocrite today. Ponytail. Glasses. Husband's t-shirt.
I my defense, I did manual labor today. Tomorrow I'll try harder.
Love this. Especially because I'm wearing jeans for like the fourth day in a row. The same pair.
My teenage dd helped me with this. "Mom! Do you want to look like a homeschool Mom?" LOL "Those are old women jeans Mom!" Most all my cloths are yardsale or handme downs, but I am trying. Plus I lost 23 lbs this summer and am trying to keep this temple in better running order. My Hubby likes it too. 🙂
Kenj, I've totally done that.
Alisha, great job on the weight loss! I get lots of cute tops from Goodwill, but have a harder time with pants.
I do have a skirt I love from there, but I think I was wearing it too much.
I'm getting 10 inches cut off my hair tomorrow afternoon, and right now I have a single lurid pink hair extension. (I'm not sure if they can do a cut and style and leave that in, though.)
Woo! You go, cjmr! I bet they can work in the extension. Those are more common now.
Love this, Nota. I'm working on this, but have come to discover that this needs to be a priority.
"And really, put $360 or more in the budget to do your hair the way you really want it. Stop being chicken. $30 a month is the cheapest therapy you'll ever find. – Birthblessed/ Amy"
Amen to this!
Thanks, bluej.
We teach people how to treat us by how we treat ourselves.
I don't believe Gwynneth's purse is really roasting that chicken. Or she'd be basting her cell phone.
Gwyneth's chickens baste themselves!
"Gwyneth's chickens baste themselves!"
This quote is going into my book of All-Time Favorite Quotes Ever!!
Oh my.
I love your blog! Thanks for commenting on mine, Nota. It inspires me to spend some time working on my blog when people actually visit AND comment. 🙂
And I am sitting here reading this post in my pajamas, at 12:30pm on a school day. I haven't cooked a "real, actual meal" in several days, and I'm sure my husband (and our budget) have noticed.
Sure, I'm pregnant and hormonal and not feeling great, but this post has inspired me to get going, get dressed and get moving today!
Thank you.
I love comments too!
Thanks for reading and commenting.
"As seen from space."
Haha!
Thanks for the reminder to go to the salon. Especially since a certain meetup is fast approaching.
I have a litmus question I ask my honest, angst-filled tweenager. "Will you be embarrassed to be seen with me?"
So far, so good.
I think her love language is Take-Me-Out-With-You.
A meetup–how fun!
I need to get my hair done this week. The kids have all said something and for my children that is unusual.
Nota, as a reformed LYG-girl I can say that every note you wrote rings true.
Thanks for reminding us that we're worth it.
I learned at the well-shod feet of the master.
Now, if only I can implement my own advice.
Thanks for this fun read… encouraging, funny, true…and I especially like the "as seen from Space"…roflol! Been there, done that, got the large shapeless shirt, and working my way back. : )
Amy
Thanks, Amy!
I know I'm still a work in progress myself.
Granny Pants of Righteousness – oh yes, I remember THAT thread very well!
Shhh! 😉
Just found you, Nota, (and LOVE you already, btw), thus, the late reply to this post … but I had to share that I have spent the entire last day of this year (after my noon-time shower, that is) in my favorite sweatpants (ok, actually my second-favorite) because my one-and-only pair of jeans had to go through the wash finally. Does this qualify for "letting myself go" status? Not for me … at least I showered, shaved (whoa!), did my hair, brushed my teeth, and put CLEAN clothes on (not the dirty jeans). Anxious to spend 2011 reading many more posts written by another non-supermom. Love ya!
Oh boy, I missed out because I thought that photo of the jumper was an ad for homeschool mom wear for reals. Having read the article with it I am sooo relieved! Yes, been there, worn that. I had the massive house, the land, the 6 children, the chickens, the cows, the music lessons, the grain mill, the co-op to buy from, etc. Still learning what to wear when but enjoying being myself more and more and really enjoying learning what God has for me and what He is making me into. Love my "IsASuperFather"! fern
Thanks for the compliment, MamaJane! I hope I write more things worth being read!
Fern, how funny!:) It's not letting yourself go if it's what's intended for you.