Here is my time-tested method of doing laundry.
- Wait until the kids are out of clean underpants.
- Wait one more day.
- When husband is out of underpants, have kids bring down all dirty laundry.
- Remind children to zip up pants, check pockets and turn socks right side out.
- Yell at children as I zip pants, check pockets and turn socks right side out.
- Keep any money left in pockets as Mommy Tax.
- Sort clothes into piles: jeans, other pants, dark knits, sheets, socks/underpants/towels, lights, whites, whites that need to be bleached, and things that need to be sanitized because the chihuahua peed on them.
- Take a break and watch Real Housewives.
- Ponder the unfairness of why I have to do laundry and the Real Housewives don’t. I have a taste for luxury. Why doesn’t luxury have a taste for me? What does that even mean?
- Start load of socks/underpants/towels.
- Contemplate the wisdom of studying Latin for four years, as is no help for removing stains from underpants.
- Get on Facebook.
- Put finished load in dryer.
- Take random pictures of cat. Capture her many moods.
- Start new load of towels.
- Call best friend and chat.
- Fold and stack dry clothes neatly.
- Call children to put away carefully folded clothes.
- Find clothes wadded up in random drawers.
- Forget about towels in washer for two days until they smell funny.
- Rewash towels.
- Continue until all laundry done.
- Rejoice in accomplishment for ten seconds before laundry re-dirtied.
- Begin again, weeping softly.
This is the first chapter in my housekeeping e-book. It’s sure to burn up the charts on Amazon.com. I hope to make enough to hire a maid. A really ugly maid.
Any laundry tips for me?
Well, if you let your kids run around naked, you'd cut down on laundry. 🙂
Besides that, I got nothing. Well, except Tide. We use lots and lots of Tide, especially in baseball season.
I was cheap on detergent for years–store brands, homemade.
Now I'm back to Tide and never going back. It's clean, fresh and de-stain-ified.
They'll take my Tide from my cold, dead hands. Probably literally.
Love it!!!!
Can't we just lobby for disposable clothes? Wear once and throw out.
Paper clothes and tin foil underpants. Fully recyclable.
My tip? Don't forget to buy laundry detergent at the store. Especially not when you just finished washing vacation laundry and now need to tackle all the normal laundry that you left behind while on vacation.
Or, do forget to buy laundry detergent so that you have an excuse to do all the other stuff you want to do, whichever. surely they can go without undies, right????
You are an evil genius, Reader.
I have handwashed underwear in the sink with shampoo before.
#19 is where my Mommy-explosion/weeping softly occurs.
Why? Why? Why?
After all my hard work?
Great post!
That's so funny! I was literally about to write a blog post asking people how they do laundry. I have determined that I have to do two loads per day minimum to keep up with laundry our house. It seems ridiculous! Of course, I usually wait until I have seven loads to do and by the time I get those done, I have seven more loads to do.
I sweat like a ….. oh nevermind. I sweat A LOT when I work out, and Tide is the only detergent that will de-stinkify my running shirts and shorts. Powdered Tide.
The #19 variation in my house is when the kids start throwing dirty clothes into the pile of clean clothes and claim they don't know what's dirty or clean anymore. Ugh.
Susan, I'm torn because it's work I didn't have to do, but it hurts anyway.
everydayMOM, link me when you get your post up and I'll edit it in to this post with a hotlink.
SMR, that's what I like about Tide, the destinkification action.
I'd appreciate it it you did NOT forward this method to my wife! Still hilarious though.
Thanks, Abe. And, I make no promises.
YES! I think I love you!
LOL
I am about to pee my pants, because I have never known anyone else who does laundry EXACTLY THE WAY I DO IT. THE RIGHT WAY. Except I do socks/underpants and towels in two loads. They wouldn't all fit in one. I even do socks/underpants first because they're such a bitch to sort and fold I want to get it out of the way first. And I have been known to go a month without doing laundry now that my kids are out of the house.
Natalie, I think my husband married me because of my mad laundry skillz.
He had a washer and dryer and I didn't, so in exchange for w/d usage, I'd wash some of his clothes as well.
He was agog and said, "My socks…are WHITE!"
All due to sorting. You wash jeans with other stuff and even in cold water they'll get dingy.
Handflapper, I consider myself to be an OCD/Slob. If I can't do it perfectly now, I have to wait until it. can. be. perfect.
Here's my tip: Make the kids do it! 🙂 That is where I'm at now. I do mine, my husband's, and the littles. The big kids do their own. If they have no clean underwear, it is NOT my issue! Voila!
I'm going to try to do that once I get over The Marker Incident.
I'm still a little raw from that one.
I'm with Sarah. Best house project ever was putting the washer and dryer in the butler's pantry between the kitchen and DR. That way I can keep the machines fully occupied, then toss all the clean stuff on the DR table. Kids have to fold and put it away before dinner. Win!
Why an ugly maid?
@Lisa, I fold laundry on my dining room table, too.
Sometimes we eat dinner separated by piles of laundry.
Lisa, a big part of my problem is the small space and poor design of the laundry room.
Carrie, while my husband is 100% trustworthy, he's a fox and I'm properly jealous.
I seem to break down around #17…likely because #19 is so discouraging. I've just started throwing the kids clothes unfolded into baskets. If they want to throw them randomly into drawers, there seems to be no reason I should fold them first!
When they are old enough teach them to do their own laundry…then don't butt in when they do it and never ever look to see what they wash with what else and on what temp…kinda like let sleeping dogs lie or let mixed laundry be…
fern
OMG! That is hysterical! Love that post 🙂 Found you on SITS!
I have the all time BEST laundry tip EVER!
Marry the BESTEST, NICEST, most WONDERFULEST HUBSTER in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD…(who got tired of having no clean clothes)
And said…"That's OK hon…I'll do the laundry, you cook."
That man O'mine, That man O'mine… how I do LOVE that man O'mine!
🙂
Seriously…he does all the laundry!