Gwyneth Paltrow, public blonde person, has come under fire for complaining about how hard it is to be a rich and famous movie star. Again.
This time, instead of moaning about how much easier it would be to work in a cubicle in Peoria for minimum wage and no benefits, she compares being made fun of on the Internet to being a soldier at war.
After thinking about it, maybe she’s right! Those slackers in the army don’t know how good they have it. Here are all the ways being in the military is exactly like being a movie star.
Your outfits are all picked out by someone else.
A personal fitness trainer.
Haute cuisine, prepared for your special dietary needs.
You get to board all flights first. Some you get to leave first.
Full gear in the desert? A free sauna! Great for detoxifying and losing those last few vanity pounds. Hot yoga is so 2012.
You have to wear a lot of makeup for special events.
People follow you around and shoot at you. Cameras, guns—the same!
You get to consciously uncouple.
Special effects. No wait, that’s real.
And if you do something really special, you get a lot of attention.
I agree with Gwyneth Paltrow that nobody should be bullied on the Internet.
If Ms. Paltrow means there should be an increased in civility in public discourse, including the commentary on the lives of famous people, then I agree with that too.
I get it. She can’t even take her kids to the nearest 7-11 for a Big Gulp and a bag of Cheetos without having pictures taken, sold, put on a million websites, and picked apart by meanies. I really would hate that too.
But all of that is not the same as being in war, and darn sure not the same as what soldiers, sailors, airmen, and Marines go through.
Not. Even. Close.
Thank you for the overwhelming support of this piece! I really appreciate it. If you liked it, you may also like this one about PTWD, Post Traumatic Walmart Disorder, and the other time a few years ago I made fun of Gwyneth Paltrow.
Margaret (from SL days) says
Can you hear me applauding? Well said, Nota.
Free shoes? I don’t know about that. I do know that I have a closet full of custom ordered ($$$) foot gear for every occasion…just like Gwneth!!! Sadly, none of it is mine. Not that I would need cold weather boots, desert boots, tanker boots, regular combat boots, jump boots or shiny low quarters.
I’d enlist just for all the boots!
Love. Love. Love.
Thanks! My dad got a deluxe, all-expenses paid visit to the VA this week because of his twenty years of superfun military service. I was hot under the collar at her, to say the least.
Aliza @ The Worthington Post says
Oh, Gwyneth. Will you never learn?
Gahd, I hope not! Then whose complaining can I complain about?
Brilliant!! I bow down before you for this one!! Just perfect!
:curtsy: :regal wave:
Hilarious. And wonderful. And I hope Gwyneth will see it.
I love her mother so I really really really wanted to love her. Now I actually stayed up one night (for about ten minutes) wondering if she got it from Blythe Danner. I’m not sure what “it” is…
I think it’s unhealthy for anyone to be so insulated from how life is for most people. I know her life isn’t perfect. Her dad died and she’s divorced, but I still think she just doesn’t hear what comes out of her own mouth.
kim tackett says
Perfect. Absolutely. Thanks for saying that with your outside voice.
Thanks for commenting, Kim!
Elaine Plummer says
While I liked your tribute to the troops, I feel sorry for Gwyneth, as I really don’t think she was actually comparing herself to the reality of the military. Note that I have a son-n-law and daughter currently serving. It would be in Gwyneth’s best interest to to sign-up to do some troop entertaining and then speak to the actual real life military families to learn what their challenges are first hand. Hopefully their reality would be humbling and would teach her about life outside of Hollywood privilege.
I don’t necessarily disagree with you. I can see she most likely meant she feels attacked, and the comparison of war just was an unfortunate choice of words.
I think I’m zinging her more for that last thing she said about her job being harder that “normal people” jobs. Her cumulative cluelessness is epic in proportion.
Elaine Plummer says
She doesn’t have a clue how she comes across because she doesn’t seem willing to learn. Sadly, it seems as if feeling like a victim is becoming her mode of operation.
She is not divorced she is consciously uncoupled. Gag.
That’s the worst phrase since “moist towelette.”
amy volk says
this is most awesome.
Kelly Roberts says
That was a thing of beauty! Nicely done.
I thank you, m’lady!
Melissa Lawler says
Lg (@sweeper785) says
This is all kinds of great, so I glad I saw this on twitter. I’ll be honest, 99% of the things that G. Paltrow’s says make me laugh…Its not so much what she says, but the way that she says it. Every person in this world has trials and tribulations whether they are rich or poor and they have every right to talk about those trials because nobody’s life is perfect. I just sometimes wish people like Paltrow would also just admit how incredible their lives are and show some gratitude for the things they have:she has more money than she could ever spend, healthy living children, electricity, food, clothing, shelter, clean water, toilets, bodily and religious freedom and so on and so on.
A big part of why she sticks in my craw is her expectations of normal exceed most people’s imaginations for super-luxurious. I bought her cookbook and most of the meals had ingredients I could not buy at my Food Lion.
A decade or so back there was a delightfully horrific show on TV where Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie went to live with “normal folks”. The things Gwyneth says reminds me of that show.
Jodie M Cordell says
Oh, this is so excellent! Thank you for attempting to put things into perspective for poor, lost Gwyn!!!
Pauline Gaines (@divorcedpauline) says
Thank you for writing this brilliant smackdown! I hope you plan to write another because the woman shows no signs of shutting up.
Kathy @ SMART Living 365.com says
So really true Anne! I’m sure that there are challenges to having celebrity status. But it is very hard to feel sorry of for some celebrities by their actions….and then to compare themselves to what soldiers must endure is just crazy.
I wonder if she actually “hears” what she is saying out loud. I wouldn’t want her life, and all that attention. But I don’t feel sorry for her…she freely chose that life, and there are lots of perks to it. To compare it to military life is an insult to the military. Shame on her.
Lisa Garon Froman says
Those pics were meaningful. You took a touchy subject and handled it nicely and that’s a wonderful tribute to your dad and all military. As for G. Paltrow, I would really like to think that she is an unskilled speaker more than an unskilled, insensitive person. I hope that’s the case and that she doesn’t actually mean exactly what she says.
Celebrities with her degree of fame and wealth live in a different world than all of us. I once was in a craftsman furniture store in Santa Monica considering buying a $1500 mid century chair for my living room. I thought about how significant this piece of furniture would be. An heirloom for my kids one day. In walked Bruce Willis. He walked through the store with a saleswoman and pointed at lamps and chairs and dressers and tables, and in less than 20 minutes he was done. After he left I spoke to the saleswoman. She shared with me that he had just spent over $40,000 in furniture, and had given instructions as to which of his three houses (I think Aspen, Malibu and Beverly Hills) each piece should go to.
Gwyneth lives in a different world, and sees ours through a distorted lens. Why do people care what she says, or correlate her beliefs to theirs? Mega Celebrities usually annoy me. The times that I have met the really big ones have been unpleasant and peculiar experiences. I
Next time I see you? You’re getting a drink bought and a big ole kiss, right on the lips. At least you can say you’ve had a lesbian experience then.
Christina Berry says
I was remembering today that Gwyneth used to be engaged to Brad Pitt. Remember that? Now I’m not an Angelina fan by a long shot, but I have to wonder how the same man could ever be with these 2 women. They are as different as night and day.
Great post. I hope someone sends the link to Gwyneth.
Wendy Nielsen says
Amy - Funny Is Family says
This is perfect!
Sheryl Schmidt Gordon says
Gah, I feel for the poor woman and all the public scrutiny.It cant be easy knowing every time you go for a slurpee, hundreds of people will see the pics… All I have is my Mother In Law criticizing me for giving my kids Junk. And if they aren’t perfectly coiffed when we do go out, I hear about it the next day… I totally feel your pain, Gewneth! Sheesh…
Uhhh, I don’t know that I believe Gwynnie has ever let a slurpee pass her perfect lips….
I feel like she most likely meant she gets attacked for doing the most normal things, but of course, comparing it to being at war was an unfortunate choice of words!
You made a really hilarious analogy!! Boots!! Ha!!
Dear clueless Gwyneth. For someone who finds being famous so difficult, she continues to provide sweet fodder. NIce one Anne! Hahaaaaaa
Why doesn’t she just move her ass to the nearest insane Asylum and SHUT THE HELL UP! Someone needs to 302 her ASAP! That lady is as crazy as a rabid bat! I’m sorry for ranting, but this bimbo is getting her nonsense out there because I feel the media loves to stir the pot! However, when they allow her crazy to involve our American heroes. .. She needs to be slapped in the brig for treason! Over the top I know, but I’m just so sick of this self absorbed psycho! Ughhhh
I’ve disliked Paltrow for a long time. She always rubbed me the wrong way, even before she started saying all this crap. She just about ruined Iron Man for me too. She really need to keep her mouth shut. Maybe she can be on one of those reality shows where rich people and poor people swap. They make one of those, right? lol
Carol Cassara says
She’s tone deaf. In general, comments like that don’t bother me. Another star just compared Googling herself and finding attacks to the feeling of being raped. I don’t think those are literal analogies. I get the meaning. But Paltrow has a habit of showing her “let them eat cake” attitude and despite a boatload of input hasn’t tempered it one bit. Tone deaf, I tell you.
Cheryl St.John says
Where is the LIKE button?
I didn’t get free boots..I’m jealous
I’d love to see you tackle a post about Tom Cruise and all of his wisdom since he “works harder” than our troops. Gwyneth Paltrow drives me crazy, but Tom Cruise absolutely sends me bouncing of the walls! Good job putting this into perspective, I hope she stumbles across this one day and thinks about her life with a little more gratitude.
Elizabeth Towns says
What you could do to ease the difficult burden of millions of dollars is to deposit some of them into my children’s college funds, or into their regular school funds. You can also alleviate my regular single mother burdens by stimulating my economy and sustaining our efforts at survival. #takeseveralseats
My husband (a Gulf War vet) would like to buy you a drink. Since he probably won’t get the chance, I’ve been authorized to do it for him the next time I see you,
As the daughter of a Vietnam vet, I want to buy both of you one. Thanks for everything!
Perfectly said! Big celebrity leaves a bad taste in my mouth but you made my day. Love this.
Rachée Fagg (@sayitrahshay) says
I kinda get what Gwenyth meant but she is too well bred to keep saying dumb stuff. Have a seat miss.
From someone whose husband spent 20 years in the Army…Thank you!! Even when they’re not deployed, life sucks in the military!
Linda Roy says
Brilliant. That is all.
Thanks, Linda. That means a lot coming from you!
This is beautiful. Thank you on behalf of the vets in my family.
My pleasure, Meg!
Hilarious! And oh, so true! While bullying is never right, voicing an opinion different from your own is not bullying. Perhaps Ms. Paltrow would be best to take herself less seriously.
Every time she opens her mouth something like this comes out. It reminds me of Paula Deen and Kate Gosselin… you just can’t hide your true colors!
I think she thinks it sounds good, but she just sounds out of touch.
I’ve tuned out to what Gwynnie says. (I adore her mom and wonder what she thinks of her daughter’s outrageous and inappropriate statements.) Thanks for keeping your ears open to let me know what’s going on. It’s just keeps getting better and better. Sigh.
BTW, I saw a mag at the checkout counter that Gwynnie’s ex is having a baby with Jennifer Lawrence. Since my head is in the sand about these things, is that true? xo
My favourite was ‘bling’. Great work.