I just wanted to let you know there is an imminent disaster brewing. Category Three and rising.
I’m trying to prepare, so my family is protected during this dangerous time.
Here are my best tips for making sure your family is safe when this happens to you.
- Stock up on essentials. You may be unable to cook, so get plenty of shelf-stable pantry items so the kids can feed themselves if it comes down to it. Beef jerky and Froot Loops are a balanced meal.
- Stay hydrated. There’s been quite a run on water at WalMart. Think outside the box.
- Make sure you have proper medicine. You can’t have enough Tylenol in the house.
- Fill you car up with gasoline. Keep that tank full in the event your family has to flee.
- Remember the comfort food. Chocolate is very soothing throughout this difficult time.
- Don’t forget the pets. Animals sense when something is terribly wrong.
- Don’t be afraid to lock yourself in your room with a heating pad and a romance novel. Really, it’s what’s best for everyone.
You may notice changes like oily skin, bad hair or your jeans being too tight. Blame this on humidity.
Above all, relax. PMS only lasts three or four days, max.
Oh, and there is also a hurricane or something.
Like that matters when you don’t even really love me! Now shut up and turn the Joan Crawford movie back on.
Edited to add:
After I wrote this, my friend Amy posted this in the comments:
I thought I was being original, but I guess there is nothing new under the sun. Enjoy!

I love you!! LOL.
You please me. I shall allow you to live.
That it be merely a tempest in a teapot: this is my prayer!
And in the meantime: you make me laugh.
Passez les bons bons.
Indeed. There is not enough chocolate in this house.
I love you.
You shall also be allowed to live.
Excellent
Not in the eye of the storm, it’s not. It’s a scary place.
hahahahaha fantastic list! Oh yeah, that might work for the hurricane too.
Amiyrah, you made *me* laugh.
Exactly! Michael is selling out of water, beer and wine. He expects to be home well after 1 a.m. this morning.
And I don’t even shop there. That’s how bad my PMS is.
😆 That is awesome!!!!
Thank you, my dear.
I think we were pushing to category 4 here on Tuesday but it fell back to a 3, even 2 1/2. Maybe homeopathic sepia DOES work… hmmmmmm….. remember this? http://www.imgag.com/product/preview/flash/wsShell.swf?ihost=http://www.imgag.com&brand=/product/preview/flash/wsag&cardNum=/product/full/ap/3066708/graphic1&mtype=0&&NameFirstFrom=&NameFirstTo
Oh my gosh, Amy, that is perfect! I want to embed that in the post!
And I thought I’d had an original thought..
Amen!
I try to forget about those days, but the memories pop up. Or my husband reminds of “the time I” which usually includes screamed, cried, broke or ran away.
this is awesome, your blog is a great read!! 🙂 😉