Emergency Preparedness Made Simple

I just wanted to let you know there is an imminent disaster brewing. Category Three and rising.

I’m trying to prepare, so my family is protected during this dangerous time.

Here are my best tips for making sure your family is safe when this happens to you.

1. Stock up on essentials. You may be unable to cook, so get plenty of shelf-stable pantry items so the kids can feed themselves if it comes down to it. Beef jerky and Froot Loops are a balanced meal.
2. Stay hydrated. There’s been quite a run on water at WalMart. Think outside the box.
3. Make sure you have proper medicine. You can’t have enough Tylenol in the house.
4. Fill you car up with gasoline. Keep that tank full in the event your family has to flee.
5. Remember the comfort food. Chocolate is very soothing throughout this difficult time.
6. Don’t forget the pets. Animals sense when something is terribly wrong.
7. Don’t be afraid to lock yourself in your room with a heating pad and a romance novel. Really, it’s what’s best for everyone.

You may notice changes like oily skin, bad hair or your jeans being too tight. Blame this on humidity.

Above all, relax. PMS only lasts three or four days, max.

Oh, and there is also a hurricane or something.

Like that matters when you don’t even really love me! Now shut up and turn the Joan Crawford movie back on.

Edited to add:

After I wrote this, my friend Amy posted this in the comments:

PMS ALERT SYSTEM

I thought I was being original, but I guess there is nothing new under the sun. Enjoy!