Thanks, Time magazine. You have made people absolutely lose their minds with your provocative cover photo of Jamie Lynne Grumet.
Instead of getting my recommended daily allowance of Kardashian gossip, now I have to worry about not being a good mom AND put on my judgey pants about Jamie nursing what appears to be an Army staff sergeant.
I don’t know if people have flipped their lids because Jamie is so pretty or because the kid has a five o’clock shadow.
I guarantee, if that had been me on the cover when I was nursing, there’d be a totally different response.
My body makes people either barren or celibate. You cannot look directly at it without being affected. I recommend a mirror.
Example: my sister-in-law was visiting us after I’d had my third baby. I was sitting on my couch, discreetly nursing under a light throw. Somehow the side of my abdomen was visible. These were the days before Snuggies, or I totally would have been using one.
My young sister-in-law, maybe twenty-one at the time, saw my side, gasped and asked, “Were you burned horribly in some sort of industrial accident?”
‘”No,” I said, “those are just fresh stretch marks. You should see my lower belly. Don’t worry, they fade from purple to silver. Wanna see the old ones?”
Once the EMTs revived her, she never did have a baby with my brother-in-law. Boom! I am human birth control.
Now I’m eleven years after my “fourth set of stretch marks”–I mean “baby”, I’m still waiting to “get my pre-baby body back”. I don’t know who has my pre-baby body, but they left me with this saggy, stretched out one and too many quotation marks.
I keep hearing about these Mommy Wars. It is supposed to be the Working Mommies versus the Stay-at-Home Mommies. The Public School Mommies should fight with the Homeschool Mommies. Now Time magazine wants all mommies who don’t breastfeed until high school to ask themselves if they are “Mom Enough”.
It’s all so tiresome. I think if you asked any parent, he or she would say that we are all doing the best we can.
Sure, I spent almost four years nursing, but they weren’t in a row. Three of my kids weaned at a year; one of mine was put on the bottle at six months because I had to work a crappy job with no way to express milk or my artistic side. And this was right for my family.
Let me spell it out for you. I DON’T CARE if you bottle feed your baby. I DON’T CARE if you use cloth diapers. I DON’T CARE if you put your six-week-old baby in day care. I DON’T CARE if your child goes to thirteen years (or even fourteen years, bless her heart) of public school.
I may have my own feelings about each of these topics, but if I keep them in my head it doesn’t hurt you at all. And that is what I expect for myself. If you don’t like what I do, keep it to yourself.
I assume you are making the very best choices for your family, while my husband and I are making the very best choices for ours. Let’s respect each other enough to keep our mouths shut and not let our differences affect how we treat each other.
Meanwhile, until I can find a cute, pink Army helmet, consider me a conscientious objector in Mommy War II.
Join me in No-Moms Land? There are free drinks and the pool boy is Nathan Fillion. Before Nathan mixes us a mojito, I do have to handle one thing at home.
I caught my son with a copy of Time magazine. He swears he just gets it for the articles.
This was fantastic. Love this take. Thanks! Erin
This post was excellent on so many levels. I appreciate your thoughtful and humorous prose.
BUT – went to click onto “I am not the Babysitter” website and the 403 “you are not allowed to view this website” popped up. I am guessing she was inundated with comments both supporting and lambasting her cause.
I’m guessing mostly critical comments, (yes that kids does look like he has a 5:00 shadow!) but I haven’t been on Twitter yet.
Anyhoo – I wonder what the fallout will be? I’m guessing comedians around the world will have plenty to say, starting with Jay Leno, Jimmy Kimmel, and the Daily Show.
I bet all the traffic crashed her blog. Unfortunate!
I hope it’s back up soon. She really sounds like a nice lady and I look forward to reading her blog.
Thanks for commenting!
I read your take at http://www.sisterhoodofthesensiblemoms.com and enjoyed it. I see we are in agreement, as are most parents, I bet.
As if the whole breast or bottle “debate” needed a boost to full metal jacket.
Or a cage match. To the death!
Seriously- they couldn’t have pictured a normal mom snuggling with a nursing toddler in a rocking chair? They’re just trying to make trouble. 🙁
Exactly.
That would be normal and not get them page views!
I have to say I totally agree. Why does everyone want to see and hear Mom’s bash each other all day. SO not worth it!. You are hilarious and I can’t wait to see you at EVO!
Looking forward to seeing you too, Carly!
Mmmmm…Nathan Fillion as pool boy? I’m there with ya, Anne! But even if they come out with a cute, pink helmet, I will not be joining the fight. My parenting motto is: Do what works for you! AND, hug your kids a lot. 😉
See you poolside, and due to my own industrial accidents, I will not be wearing a swimsuit…:)
And I’ll be the one in the floral burquini.
Excellent post my friend!! Especially got a chuckle from …”no way to express milk or my artistic side”. You are definitely the funny one.
Thank you, my darling. You know I love it when you compliment me. 😉
“Boom! I am human birth control!” You crack me up! Thanks for voicing some of my thoughts that haven’t made their way out of my mouth…..yet.
Hey, Fern! I’ve missed you. I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels this way. It’s like media wants us to fight so they can write about it.
I’ve got bigger problems, like my thighs.
OMW! As usual, you say what I’m thinking but so much better (AND WAY Funnier) than I could ever say it.
I’m with you – nurse or don’t nurse – just feed the babe already. It’s too hard to be a mom these days without us constantly judging and finding one another lacking when all of us are usually trying to do the very best we can that day, that moment.
Love you! Human birth control – Yep BTDT.
My favorite thing is women supporting other women. It’s tough enough to be a mom.
Thank you for this post! I resigned from the Mommy Wars years ago. I wish big media would give it a rest.
But then how would they get a quarterly bump in pageviews when they trot out the next situation for manufactured outrage?
Like in War Games, the only way to win is not to play.
Anne, I love you. (and I miss you too) Would you conscientiously object to coming to visit me in Oahu??? Bring some Girlies…
Oh, Holly, that would be so much fun! I’ll pack up all the Usual Suspects and be right over. Get some fresh pineapple ready!
Nathan Fillion? I’m in.
I’ll save you a lounge chair by the pool.
I think it’s ironic that I have never had a debate in the Mommy War. When I talk to other moms, it’s much more of a conversation about this is what I’m doing to try to make this motherhood thing work. Most of the time we encourage each other and share our occasional successes.
It feels like the media tries to find ways to divide and categorize us to stir up controversy and sell magazines or get air time. I’m with you and not willing to play their game.
It’s a little to hot outside at my house to sit by the pool, so I’d rather hang out with you 🙂
Hahaha, Anne! I love you and this post. It’s great and just so right on!
🙂
Ha ha! Hilarious and deep all at once. I’ve read a lot of bloggy commentary on the magazine cover and this was my favorite.
Hi Anne!
I don’t really get or understand these mommy wars…why do people care so much what other people are doing with their children?
Everyone should FOCUS on their own damn families!!!
For me- I am way to busy with my own to care about how someone else chooses to feed their child. People need to start respecting bounderies.
You are too funny! I am seriously cracking up here! I agree that each family does what works for them and their individual needs. We do need to stop judging each other. It’s so much easier to ‘say’ what you would do without actually living it! -Visiting from SITS today 🙂
oh PS. I’d love to join you by the pool with a drink!
This is AWESOME. I love it! I was laughing and head nodding so much my neck hurts! Great job! Happy SITS day! 🙂
http://www.thedoseofreality.com/2012/05/10/time-to-read-another-magazine/
I totally agree with you on this post! Love it!! Happy SITS Day!!
No kidding! We all need more kindness and less judgment.
LMBO!! This post is so funny but you are right. I was so annoyed by the are you mom enough comment. It’s bad enough we judge, and criticize ourselves so much, we don’t need time magazine putting us against each other.
“Were you burned horribly in some sort of industrial accident?” that’s hilarious.. Anyway, I totally agree with you regarding this matter… I don’t really have time for this Mommy war.. I have to deal with my own war with my own kids…. ^ ^,
I have to say you made me laugh! I wrote up my own thoughts on Big Boy up there latched on to mommy’s boob-a-licious (and not quite the norm) bod as well. I wish I would have latched on to the G I Joe take! Good catch!
On a serious note, I wonder if she was fully prepared for this.
And her poor kid.. can you imagine the comments when he hits high school? I hear being on the cover of Time Mag is a big deal. That’s going to follow him for awhile…
http://www.grandmajuice.net/2012/05/breastfeeding-mom-on-time-magazine-are-you-mom-enough-or-honest-enough/
This post is so good, I wish I had written it. Well said. Happy SITS day!
Amen. Love it so much. Happy SITS day!
Oh, man. I was already a conscientious objector in all this nonsense, but now I’m losing the strength of my convictions and just thinking, “I’ll join any cause that has Nathan Fillion semi-clothed and serving me alcohol.” Mmm. Hello, sailor. (Stopped by from SITS — howdy!)
Yeah, I also felt like the sexiness of the lady on the cover had some influence in how people reacted to it. Now a picture of me nursing anyone? Not sexy. Thus not controversial.
I agree with you 100 percent:
We’re all trying our hardest.
TIME just wanted a reaction, and it worked.
Everyone needs to mind their own business about how others parent!
Great post!
I actually love Jon Stewart’s take on this: Time should have photoshopped out the chair to show the kid simply hanging from the teet. Freaky, all of it…
Popping over from SITS. Great article! I wish people spent half as much time actually parentng instead of degrading other people’s parenting styles. Seriously who wins when we bash one another?
“conscientious objector in Mommy War II”
love it!
Great article! especially like the part about you breastfeeding and your sister-n-law was like hell no on having babies after you offered to show your stretch marks. CLASSIC! Yea when I saw this Time Cover I was like, hmm if they airbrushed the chair out of the way and make it look like he was floating it would have been way cooler….What I do like is the look on his face, like he says, “You want next?”
OK – I don’t have kids (yet) but I have renamed Facebook to Soap-Box-In-Your-Face-Book because of all of these friends of mine who have kids who are on these crazy psycho rants about EVERYTHING. I can’t even tell you how many full blown cyber arguments I have witness as of late from everything from circumcision to shots to MSG, etc. I AM SO OVER IT. I don’t have kids, but I KNOW I will feel the same way when I do – I’m not going to tell you how to raise your kids, so don’t tell me how to raise mine, and don’t accuse me of being too this or not enough that for the choices I have made in my own family! “But, you just haven’t researched it enough!” Research my A$$! You just think you’re cool because you read 3 articles online about it. Sorry, I went to college and I know how to source legitimate “research,” and random articles on the internet don’t count.
*phew* mini rant there. Sorry, it’s just SO glad that there’s a MOM out there who feels this way. Bravo my dear, bravo! 😉
Yes to all of this. I will definitely join you in No-Moms land. I too am so so tired of all the Mommy/parenting wars and of the media trying to pit us against each other. I can only believe that we all are trying out best and if that’s the case, we all should be supporting each other in those efforts, no? Rather than trying to cut each other down?
Amen. The sad part is that we all got up in arms about that magazine, but it’s been a little bit and I think everyone is back where they were the day before it hit stands. I think in one year I’ve experienced every side of every issue (breastfeeding, formula, stay at home, daycare, working, working part time…). And honestly, whatever worked at the time was what we did. He’ll survive – they are rather resilient that way. I have no idea what others are doing (other than what’s in People magazine) and I really don’t want to know. I can barely remember what day it is let alone concern myself with everyone else’s goings on. Great post!
We all do things differently. People just have to live with it.
Oh this cover! Everyone was talking about it…and they havent really stopped! I like your thoughts.
Fantastic article. I agree with you totally. Nobody knows how to be a mom, until they are one and then they should keep their opinions to themselves. We all mother differently.
Unless, of course, you’re doing it wrong!
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