Honey, it’s me, Nota. Can you hear me?
Yes, I know there’s a twelve hour time difference between here and Japan, but I wanted to talk to you before your meeting.
Well, the cat got outside after dinner tonight. We called and called for him.
I was getting worried and it was about time for the kids to go to bed when Killer finally came home.
You know how we keep him in because he hunts when he gets out and then leaves the dead moles as tribute on the doormat?
Well, he brought his prey right inside tonight.
He pranced right through the French doors and I thought he looked awfully pleased with himself.
When he dropped a dead and bloodied woodland creature at my feet. I swear he was smiling. The cat, not the dead and bloodied woodland creature.
Killer had bagged himself a chipmunk.
I screamed like a little girl and hopped up on a kitchen chair like I was a lady in a Tom and Jerry cartoon. You know, the ones where they only show the housewife’s legs?
I screamed and screamed and screamed. The kids didn’t seem to notice. I think one of them looked away from the Wii for a second.
Then the dead chipmunk got up and started to run around in a circle.
I guess that chipmunk was just playing possum. What I had thought was chipmunk blood was just cat spit.
So now the screaming took on a new tone. Gah, a spitty chipmunk was loose in the kitchen!
The kids started to wander in at this point since I was finally more interesting than Wii Bowling.
I hollered for one of them to get the cat out. Killer was circling around, trying for a second shot at the disoriented chipmunk.
Once the cat was imprisoned in the bathroom I got off the chair, got the broom (tool of choice for all vermin expulsion) and tried to sweep the spitty critter back outside.
He took evasive action and escaped into the wilds of the school room.
I’d told the kids to keep their school projects and books more organized, but he had a wealth of hiding places to choose from.
We swept him out from behind a desk and he made a break for the living room. We tracked him behind the antique console stereo (did you know chipmunks poop when they are scared?) and then both sides took a breather to regroup.
I had several scout children block the exits and sent another child back to base to procure a trap.
Armed with a plastic dish pan and a thin cookie sheet, I resumed hostilities.
As I went around one side of the stereo, the chipmunk made a break for it around the other side and got past my security perimeter.
We chased him around and around the downstairs in a circle. I heard the Benny Hill theme song in my head during the chase.
Finally, I got a shot off and spun the upside down dish pan through the air like it was Xena’s circle-weapon-thingy.
The dishpan spun through the air, hovered and dropped down perfectly over the runaway ‘munk.
I scooted the cookie sheet under the inverted pan, scooped up the little guy and took him outside to the safety of the bushes.
Okay, I had one of the kids take the chipmunk outside. I was exhausted.
So the cat is banished to the bathroom and the kids are finally in bed.
I think I lost Cool Mom Points for squealing, but gained some back winning the Chipmunk Battle.
Why am I calling? How much does it cost to neuter a cat?
Julia (Jmmom) says
I just love the way you write!! That was wonderful! I can just see this battle…!! Lol.
*spluttering* "resumed hostilities"
LOL! I heart Nota!
That is too funny! That chipmunk sure has some stories to tell his friends.
The Hayes Zoo says
Oh my word….I almost spit on my screen with the Benny Hill theme song 'line'.
BTDT – the little lady screaming on the chair showing her legs routine – and it is just an instictual reaction isn't it?
I hope you ate an extra thin mint after all that. (Or on second though – since he's in JAPAN, you just eat that other sleeve…) You sure deserved it.
I would not be happy if this happened to me. I would probably scream as loud as I could also. How long is the cat banished to the bathroom?
Susan in the Boonies says
Your are SO a SuperMom!!!!
I worship at your footstool!!!
(Do you have a footstool? Is there a chipmunk behind it???)
Oh this was too funny. I've rescued a mouse from my cat but not with such humour.. nor was it with Benny Hill. 😉
spitty chipmunk BWAHAHAHAHAH
Just FYI: Neutering the cat won't make him any less of a hunter. Ask me how I know… 😉
Nota, you are much braver than I. And also apparently pretty good aim with a dishpan. Brava!
Aren't pets great 😉
Thanks, guys. This happened a few years ago.
It wasn't funny at the time, but the more time passes, the funnier it is to me,
I felt very put upon to have to deal with vermin. I had vermin disposal written into our wedding vows.
@Jessica, the cat is still in the bathroom.
@anonymous, then let it serve as a warning to the other cats. 🙂
Snappy Di says
Perfect Benny Hill song. I once stood on a kitchen chair and threw teaspoons at a mouse in our house to scare him away. What a sight, and why do small creatures scare us so? We girls are just weird.
Gaston Studio says
This is SO funny, so I know why you got POTW from Hilary… congratulations!
Reminds me of when my daughter's cat used to always bring in live snakes, yuk.
Susan in the Boonies says
CONGRATULATIONS FOR RECEIVING A POST OF THE WEEK!!!
YOU ROCK, NOTA!!!!!!
Bossy Betty says
Love it and congrats on Post of the Week!
Out on the prairie says
A real calamity, I wonder why they bring things to us.Is it a this could be you threat?
Hilarious! Thanks for making me laugh.
So, cute! I mean chipmunks, c'mon! That's the cutest vermin around.
Susan sent me your way, glad she did!
So funny!!! Thank goodness it was you and not me. I would have had a heart attack! I am terrified of any kind of rodent. I've stopped by from Hilary's place. Congratulations on the POTW!